It's official!
Adela is going to teach me how to cook! Haha I buy the ingredients and go over hers then she shall scream at me like how I scream at her in Math.

Anyway yesterday I watched I Am Legend and despite how quite a number say it suck balls and all I actually think it's quite good. The movie could put across that fear, you know, fear of being alone and having to only rely on yourself. I want to watch Elizabeth: The Golden Age (or something like that), 27 Dresses, One Missed Call, Darjeeling Limited, Body #19. The new year promises many nice movies I love.


Talk about the new year. I had a really fantastic 2007. New people, a job that I really enjoy, many ups and downs, tried all sorts of new sports, money come money go situations, renewing acquaintances. I think it's somewhat better than 2006, since 2006 is more focused on academic. 2007 was, I don't know, an eye-opener on many aspects. Discovered a plethora of characters, the ugly side of people and all the yaya.


Last year I promised that I'll forget her, but at this time right now I'm still wondering about her whereabouts and whatever she was doing and hell, I didn't.
So this year, I'll prove myself wrong and let you go.


A pressing matter right now, I'm broke. I'm suppose to be out but due to the lack of moolah I'll take a pass.
I'm hungry ):

ofblack&white
12:22 PM

The highlight of the week is TODAY.


So I woke at 0830 hours despite sleeping at 0330. Was damn tired. We went to Changi to get very light breakfast (if a little bun and a can of coffee isn't light, I don't know what is) and headed off to Pulau Ubin. It's love in capital letters. So kampung-ish and atmosphere was just... ah fantastic. Hordes of dogs roamed though. As cats too. Rented coolio mountain bikes with coolio gear change and hit the road.

More like hit the jungle. We went mostly off-road. In the jungle, up and down up and down swerving left right and centre my legs ache a lot. The climb up an off-road path is miles tedious because of the many pebbles and puddles and lopaks (holes in the path) and my lack of stamina and strength is an added nuisance. But after much huffing and puffing I managed (he made everything look like SUCH a breeze) and the way downwards is equally scary. Off-road = many pebbles = not much control. Downwards is downwards, meaning it's fucking steep. Nearly fell at one point. We went to some ulu quarries, a shop he knows well which reared hundreds (ok, just tens) of rabbits, a blond wild boar, and a most arrogant fatcat, mountain bike park (there's the very beautiful pine trail, it's so beautiful, trail lined and overflowing with pine trees it looks so McDreamy), went up quite a high hill and the view was just fabulous. It's quite a workout, all that left me like the wolf in Three Little Pigs, but it was the epitome of fun&outdoors. Love love love it.
And to top it off we covered the whole island, about 20 to 30 km up and down up and down annoying slopes. Achievement of the year hiphip hurrah!

I had my much-craved Sugarcane Juice with Lime haha bellissimo. Tampines seemed to be the nearest sane civilisation so we went there and had Bistro for lunch, with Fariha joining slightly later. I love the boat ride back, we sat outside the cabin area, with that fresh air and sea water mingling a new sensation of being lost in nature. Haha.


I think I need to sleep. Haha and Sya wants to drop by in the middle of the night! Funny lah she.

ofblack&white
9:50 PM

The crickets still make that noise right now at 11ish. It means the weather is super hot. Ah weather weather, cool down will you.

Past few days had been dedicated to fun and fun alone. I feel guilty for God-knows-what. Wednesday was tuition with Fifa then off to meet Loretta for lunch and I was so full it lasted me for dinner. Yesterday was tuition with Baoling. And to destress, we decided to arcade and play House Of Dead 4, ended up spending nearly 10$ for that wretched game. She was screaming her head off shooting monsters so huge it covered the whole screen (aka the Spider). Awesomeness. Then some came and we played pool for a while before bowling. I'm disappointed because yesterday was one of the rare days I bowled below hundred. Sigh.


The girls are having match at MJC today. I hope it'll be a win, but I wouldn't be surprised it they didn't. Will probably drop by Qis' house to lepak then meet Mun.


The crickets are still at it.


Oh these days a lot of dreams were vivid to me (like how today I dreamt I wore skinny jeans. WTF white skinny jeans). I wonder why.
I also wonder why they kept haunting my dreams. Kinda makes it hard to let go.

ofblack&white
11:09 AM

It had been helter-skelter yesterday and the day before. Relatives coming over, cousins bunking, bowling, all the yaya.

Hightlight of the night; While Aqil was sleeping, I decided to put a roof over his head, and umbrellas, and all the decoration in the world. It's a wonder I didn't put the lights.
Busy days, the next few. Tuition, meeting friends, meeting longlost friends and meeting whiny princesses. Oh and a trip to Malacca. Hope can get out of this one.


Yesterday when all of us were at MacDonalds at East Coast, I saw someone on the next table who looks so much like you, it's painful.


Sigh. Oh yea, been starting to watch those Japanese anime again, especially classics like Slam Dunk and Ranma 1/2. OH I LOVE RANMA 1/2.


All the time, looks can be deceiving (how cliche!) and of course the bunch of them are, where I least expected it. It's such a disappointment.



Ok now off I go before I'm late again.

ofblack&white
9:48 AM

Hey ho I haven't seem to be blogging. Not that I have much to blog about, will probably drone on and on like a broken radio (in other words, like Rihanna belting out Umbrella).


Anyway I went training and pool on Monday. Then teach. Caught in the rain.

Tuesday was a whole day out with Theo. And we saw Nabila. He showed me the lomo camera and of course I fell in love with it. We were so budgeted we bought our drinks at Giant then proceeded to Banquet (the drinks from Giant cost 25 cents cheaper). Then sat at Coffee Bean drinking coffee and playing cards and talked our hearts out. About how he threw my deck of cards out of my window once, playing Scrabble (and getting 36 points with the word 'Sex'), school and such, and ambitions. Lol.

Wednesday was tuition, then off home. I was on the way out of Grandma's when mom called and Caca was on the phone! I was fucking surprised and rushed down to meet her. Omg can longlost cousin from Johor whose passport literally died hence I haven't seen her for a year plus plus. She's so busy with school and all. Lots of love man! I remember when she was a kid she used to cry alot. And bite people alot.

Thursday was Hari Raya Haji and all the sheep slaughtering and Khay was there with her ohsocute little brother who speaks like a native Indo. ((: Then went to grandma's to sit around and talk to Caca and all. What's with aunties baking apple pies making the most noise, grandpas snoring so loudly and uncles with coolio shades. Caught up a lot, really. A lot of love! Then they had to whisk me away to the paternal grandma ho. With all the relatives (more specifically aunties) who were so crazy about Hady. I don't find anything about Hady good, average voice average looks. And it really annoys me when they start all the fucking malarkey about OH BUDAK MELAYU MENANG (a Malay wins that nonsense) what the fuck, why people look at race I don't know. Sigh was wishing I was at maternal grandma's at Bedok.

Friday was all about bowling and the three monkeys of cousins who I really really adore and spoil beyond belief. Aqil actually allow me to kiss him in front of his friends awww. We ended up at NSRCC bowling since the SAFRA Tampines was packed the queue was as long as the GSS. Pooled also. Nur and Tisya acts like they know how to play but they don't. Fucking hilarious! Piktures here and there.


Today was tuition with Lynn Tan. Gosh I haven't seen my adik for SO long and she got scandals with ohIdon'tknowhowmany guys. It's usual fun for me to tease her, with all the talk about flat-chested girls, black magnet, KSEVEN, her usual moanings about men, Beauty World (or girl I don't know), and comparing oil papers.
Then I head down to Bugis and we had a brief lunch, went clothes shopping. Thanks to me he bought himself two clothes. Very nice (:
Went to Bras Basah for some sight-seeing (I've never been to Bras Basah lol) and it's quite the heaven for me; all the weird books and art materials and sculptures and guitars aplenty. And he's gotten me a Holga! Yay to that. My mum was looking at it with wonder, because my Holga is the epitome of a toy camera. And headed home after that.


Anyway just a random thought, why do kids nowadays (especially my trio) love Black Music? Black music refers to rap, hiphop, R&B that sort. All that YoYo factor I like to call it. Nur and Tisya will always greet me with 'Yo wassup dawg how it going' nonsense. Haha it spoils their English! And now since they listen to lots of it it means I have to listen lots of it too (loud speakers are meant to be heard by everyone sigh). Oh well. Some of them is nice though.


I'm sleepy. Even though I wake up at 10 everyday and sleep relatively early (say, eleven?).
Talk about excessive sleep.


Last night,
I couldn't even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride won't let me dial.
Now I'm sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.

ofblack&white
9:24 PM

Today was DF workshop. With talks about Trust and relation with God, some music from Farahyn&Shamym, brother Idrus and gang, Samrah dance performance, small bit of beat-boxing by Fadil (uber good-looking. Drawback: 4 years younger than me). There's the video about habib Omar giving a speech (quite a moving one) talks about appreciation and worrying. Worry cleanse the heart (I can't remember why). I like the talk about Trust (amaanah). Gaining trust, not breaking the three trust and of gaining your parents' trust when you lost it (which proved to be quite a hill up to do so).

Mainly, I can meet up with everyone! Haha Most of the usual were there. As usual the Arab blood were all dressed to dazzle everyone and anyone haha how they could play to their strengths beauty-wise. Shazreen said that part of her blood skipped her. And also the part on flirting. My God yet again the Arab family does it the best.


Sitting down, just SITTING down proved to be well... draining you know. Oh by the way I'm probably getting a new student from a different school which might prove to be a challenge. I hope it's confirmed because she literally pounced on me when she knew I teach H1 math. Hurrah hurrah income and of course a new person to get to know yidiyada.


Ok pray it doesn't rain tomorrow ((:

ofblack&white
8:58 PM

It was quite a lazy day for me until it turned three, and I went rushing. Anyway I was trying to finish up The Other Boleyn Girl, a good book set in the 1500s in England. A Tudor rose. All that yaya. It's good, I just haven't the time to finish it all in a day. Tough tough. I finished few books too, Finding Phillipe is one of them. Not so bad, it's very... twisty. A lot of twist. And the book's ending isn't that fantabulous in a way. Oh well.


I had a haircut yesterday and that flirty good-looking hairdresser (Chinese small-eyes of course) was there still and remembered me from before. Oh the joy. But Tisya had to say loudly (in Malay, thankfully in code since he does know Malay). She shouted across to me "KAK ILI BOLEH NAMPAK TABUNG HAJI DIER HITAM GILER SEH". Thankfully he doesn't know it was referred to him. To translate that she said "Kak Ili I can see his tabung haji (butt crack) and it's black". Sigh. Burst my bubble. How the hell am I to go out with a man with a black... butt crack?? Lol I went cycling around Bedok and get comics and such. Oh the noisiness of just one of them. Nur's away in Langkawi. And the haircut I got was not what I wanted but oh well.


There was the TPJC concert I went for today they played my favourite Mononoke Hime Medley I'm in love. I was quite thankful Hamzah didn't decide to embarrass me by falling asleep ((: It was the intermission and I felt someone knocked my head. I swirled around only to find Damsel grinning down on me. Of all places eh?


Then had some last minute meet up (no thanks to Syahril) so it was just for a while, the four of us again. I wanted so wanted that colourful green notebook by Azone from Times but it'll set me back 10$++, way off my budget for the day. Budget you see, was the drawback of the week. It's really very pretty. Sigh will get it next time. Hope it's still there. I love paper products by Azone because the lines are very spaced out and the paper are of fantastic quality. But lo behold beauty and quality comes with a price do they not?



Qis baby is off to Japan today. Supposedly the happiest girl in the plane (since I lend her my PSP) and so she can watch her Kat-tun and all that Japanese pretty boys that she's all crazy about. She showed me their faces, all so pretty prettier than most girls I know, so I had to ask if she was straight and of course a flurry of vulgarities came spewing out. And here she nagged about me and my choices. Gosh. Anyway i think I should stop spoiling her brains out she's so spoilt by me she could rival Matin already. And now I have to most annoying princesses in my hands.
Sigh life isn't fair.


Oh. Funny incident the other time. I was with damsel at Kovan getting a seat outside Macs when an old man told her in Chinese something I couldn't (well, of course I couldn't) understand. She was looking shell-shocked, yet another Kodak moment. The man told her that instead of walking around here (Kovan) it'll be better for her to walk about Geylang, and he told her to tell me that too. Lol fuming mad doesn't quite describe the state that she was after. I had an hour of bus ride with her to Tampines when my Touch played this uber sad love song by Joy Enriquez. It was so sad I think it'll even make stone-hearted witches like Angie cry. Which I nearly did because this is the song I cried to few weeks back when I read this letter I wrote to you. And the song I listened when we ended school that it dawned upon me that I couldn't see you in every minute of my life.

Haha how emotional boohoo. But the weather's taken a good turn and being emo isn't doing good so must be little Ms Sunshine again. Lol.
Maybe not so little.



How can I not love you,
when you're gone?

ofblack&white
10:22 PM

Hello hello. The novelty to blog had somehow waned, and I don't know what to blog about nowadays anyway.

I've been watching movies and going out and play soccer in the damned rain and muddy muddy field and played pool I feel as broke as ever. I feel like doing a Scrooge. Being all stingy and screaming GO AWAY AND STOP DIGGING MY POCKETS because apparently that's what my primary 6 cousins' been doing but it's sad that I love them too much to even do some screaming.
Sigh, whatever happened to the me who nearly slapped them because they made faces at me? Must be getting soft lol.


Sometimes I wished I could see the world again through the eyes of a child. It made things more... optimistic. Less bleak.


Ha. Anyway the girls' had a match with SA on Monday and it kind of goes without saying that they got trashed. Horribly. There's nothing REALLY good about SA it's just that they have stamina (they ran 10 rounds around the field for warm ups before the match wtf I know) they communicate and space out and NOT BE SO MESSY IN FORMATION. Sigh the girls are good, most of them have the skills it's just messy everywhere for them. Fara managed a fantastic free kick, bending just like Beckham, only it hit the upper post instead of kissing the net. But that's about it.

Tuition tuition tuition I had bad frequency with one of them yesterday. It took a whole five minutes to get her to understand what I'm talking about. Just a month of break and I'm quite out of practice.


Ok off to stay home for today. Haven't been doing that for a long long time.

ofblack&white
9:21 AM

What if
there was no light?
Nothing wrong, nothing right.
What if
there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme.
What if
you should decide,
that you don't want me there by your side?
That you don't want me there in your life?

What if
I got it wrong?
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong.
Or make you feel I belong?

What if
you should decide,
that you don't want me there by your side?
That you don't want me there in your life?

Oh, that's right.
Let's take a breath, jump over the side.
Oh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try.
Oh, that's right.

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake.
It could bend or it could break
And that's the risk that you take.

What if
you should decide,
that you don't want me there in your life?
That you don't want me there by your side?

ofblack&white
11:14 AM

Ah yes. The sacred H word (Holiday) is here, for a month to stay, though I begged for it to be longer. It's quite a nice sunny day. Lovely for soccer. Sad not many wanted to play so we called it off. And now I'm of to spend a nice sunny day holed up at Classics with cue sticks and pretty colourful balls with Qingrui ever reliable pool partner of mine. How rotten, to waste a perfectly wonderful sunny day. SIGH.

I think I'll cycle to Parkway.


Yesterday it's the end of the examinations, people cashed in 250$ into my bank; I felt like doing a Mary Poppins out in the street. So happy, with money to spend no exams to bother about. I walked out of 702 after an hour because it's so boring to write 10 -15 mark essays. At least I studied 4 out of 5 chapters and it's fairly ok. Scoring for PBF of course is another story because I think I mixed up the damned facts. Beter than Songyi haha she told me she only studied 2 pages on the moral hazards and adverse blabla whatzits.


I finally watched Enchanted yesterday yes a good show and everything. I'm more excited by the advert of 27 Dresses though. Katherine Hiegl is starring OMG favourite actress please so sexy!


Ok time I go and shower and wake him up - God Qingrui can be a pig when he sleeps. And of course, have an afternoon of losing. I haven't played pool for months please.

ofblack&white
10:02 AM

Phew. Horrid horrid terribly horrid weather isn't it. When I reached Dhoby Ghaut station and saw it bucketing down I've half the mind to give the exam a miss. But unfortunately responsibility did some attack to my system and into the rain I went.
Exam wasn't really exam, I did two questions for Kat and I lost 10 marks for not knowing how to prove some mathematical gibberish.

And you know what I love about Kat so much? That she treated me to buffet AND shared an umbrella with me to the station. To bum around at Sakae and talk about the mess in our poor poor deprived life. In this weather. Rather apt a thing to do.



It's such a soggy weather it'll probably bring out that moodiness but guess again because today I woke up feeling like lil' Miss Sunshine. And this, has nothing to do with yesterday. Guess I woke up on the right side of bed.


Damn cold, I'm wrapped up in more layers than an eskimo because I cannot stand cold.

ofblack&white
7:42 PM

You ask about,
the dark side you see.
There is no dark side,

it is just me.

ofblack&white
9:08 AM

"I know it's hard to say this but, can I look at you as an older brother once more?"

That took him an hour to reply me yesterday.
And talk about original lines I'd probably win some award for it.

Though it does hurt I don't know why. Maybe it's the thought of seeing him hurt that hurts. Sounds so tongue-twistery but hey I think it's a right decision; if it were to go on any longer the pain would probably magnify. And looking on the bright side, it'll give him more time to move on get some other girl and go get hitched. Time isn't essence for me, as compared to his situation time is literally strolling on the beach. If he doesn't get married by forty I'll probably be double punched by guilt.


Contrary to the practical tones on the above, I am in reality quite maudlin. And it didn't help with friends like Mun and Mayyee sounding quite soppy. I prefer the practical approach ("I think you'd better continue to talk to him or else he die") that Adela uses on me. It makes me cry less. And of course Kat and her usual theories.


Oh well. Maybe I'll remain, as what Qis put it, an emo lesb until I grow old and spindly.
God what a truly horrid thought.


Just as well this got me distracted from tomorrow's Mocks and also today's exams. Aisyah stared me in the eye for a moment and it's quite unnerving.


You know, when you need to splurge to feel good (retail therapy), the bank account literally shrank (because I lend Mima dough, and Mun have YET to pass me the cheque, and I blew two hundered on tickets). Maybe it's for my own good.
Sigh.

Nobody said it was easy.

ofblack&white
7:35 PM

I caught Just Like Heaven on HBO (yes I do watch tv occasionally) the last time I watched it it was a year ago but anyway the show is an AWW so sweet kind of thing. I never really enjoyed watching this 'aww so sweet' genre because it'll just makes you depressed about how life doesn't turn out the fairytale/tv way (well that's why they made it into a show right). And wishing how romantic (and cheesy) a loved one would be.
Which of course wouldn't happen usually would it?

Sigh maybe I should just skip Enchanted next week and watch all that horror stuff like The Tattooist Hitman and God knows what other thriller/gore/horror movie. It makes life much cheerful after watching all those.


Yesterday I started tuition and of all topics to start with it's Maclaurin's. How utterly abysmally BORING. I don't know what's up with kids doing topics that I either hate with a passion (Vectors please) or just suck at it (Series thank you very much).


Ok I know I haven't told friends about me being somewhat attached but I think they might have figured it out. The reason WHY I never go about telling because sooner or later it'll end (how about in two weeks time) because
a) I'm not serious about it, at all
b) I like him, yes, but only marginally (in other words not head over heels crazy)
and the most painful reason of all
c) I just want to see whether being attached to a male would cure me from swinging both sides and of course to get over 'Elsewhere'

Sigh I know I'm not being fair to him because on the other hand him being crazy head over heels is THE understatement of the year.

You know how I could always get myself into the most shittiest state ever but everytime I do that I manage to pick myself up and clean myself from it.

And I'm determined to do the same for this one. I feel sorry for him but I got talked down by Damsel (of all people in the world) yesterday and yes would I hurt him now and spend my life looking for the right one and having a nice life of my own or be NICE and spoil my whole life for it?
Ok it's definitely a rhetorical question that doesn't even need twice a thought.


My mess, my bad. But it's all to get over this someone else. But guess what, it didn't work.
Aren't it all annoying. Sigh.

ofblack&white
7:09 PM